Sunday 1 July 2012

Just one Cornetto...


Why the snorkel mask?

I was queuing up in Spar for some milk the other day.  The kid in front of me was holding a Bounty Ice-cream and asking the assistant where she'd find a big pouch of Malteasers.  She's about eight years old.  And I just thought to myself; what the hell are you doing buying a Bounty Ice-cream and a big pouch of Malteasers?  You could get a hundred Spearmint Whoppa bars, fifty packs of Frosties, five  AND a ten penny bag for the price of those.  And then it occurred to me, kids these days don't buy cheapo sweets like Dip Dabs or Pickled Onion Postman Pats.  Hell, they don't even call them sweets any more!  Apparently it's "candy" now. Thanks for that, Cartoon Network.  Looking at that girl buying her Mammy ice pop (that's what my Mam would have called it) reminded me of another HB related incident I'm gonna share with you...



I used to be a childminder, it was a few years ago.  One day I was out with the kids, it was a hot and we'd just gone for a really long walk.  So, we were passing the shop on the way home and I thought as a little treat I'd get them all an ice pop.  We walk into the shop and I tell them to pick one.  They leg it over to the fridge and start pulling the thing apart.  I'm standing there humming to myself when they all come back holding Magnums.  Magnums!  Are they fecking mad?  So I says to them, "are yis mad?  Put them back and get something for kids."  They sigh in unison and skulk off back to the fridge.  I walk over with them, sensing their idea of a kid's ice pop is very different to mine.  The eldest girl picks up a Cornetto. She looks at me.  I glare back at her. "Kids!" I shout.  One of the lads picks up a Solero and smiles eagerly.  "No, no! That's not kids!  Do you know what I'm talking about at all?"  They clearly don't. I grab four Loop the Loops, walk to the counter and pay for them.  "Here you go," I hand out the ice pops.  And the face on them, you'd swear I was handing out poison.  "If yis don't want them I'll bring them back to the shop and you can have nothing."  They mumble their thanks and peel the wrappers off.  I never got a Loop the Loop, that was a 20p ice pop.  That was considered flashy, a luxury lolly. Not any more, it seems.  And so I lament for a time when a Captain Quencher and a bite of yer Mammy's Mint Feast sufficed.