Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Banjo and the shit.

Banjo and a bag of his own shit.  Cute.

My sister got a pet dog there a few weeks ago.  She lives just around the corner from me so when she was away for her husband's birthday last weekend she asked me to look after him for the night.  I call him Banjo.  He's a real cutie pie.  Anyways, it's the night of the minding so meself and husband walk round to her house to keep the poor, old thing company.  Husband gets distracted by their telly and sits down to watch some crap while I bring the dog for a walk.  We're walking around the green area down the end of our estate, it's surrounded by bushes and shrubs and all that malarkey.  The dog loves it.  He sniffs everything and loves having a good old gander about. So we come to one particular exciting set of brambles. Banjo sniffs at them, he is loving them. He sticks his little snout in and has a root around. There's something in there he wants.  Now, it's pitch black so I can't see a thing, only Banjo looking cute rooting around in the bushes. Then he starts to roll around onto his back.  He looks up at me; on his back with his little paws like a bunny rabbit. Little cutie! He rolls around a bit more before I get bored and yank him away with his lead. After a while we head back to the house. I let Banjo off the lead as he runs in the door and up to Kieran who is dying to give him an oul hug and a pet.  "Aw, Banjo, you're so cute, c'mere Banjo, you cutie little bundle of cuteness." He's hugging and kissing him and giving him a good rub on his little belly.  Then Banjo comes back over to me and I'm about to pet him when husband sniffs the air, then sniffs his hand, then sniffs the dog.  "What's that smell?" I sniff the air, then sniff my hands, then sniff the dog. "Ugh, Jesus! He's covered in shit!" The dog is covered in shit.  It's all over his back, his face, his collar, everywhere. "Ya dirty fecker!" I yell.  How'd it happen though?  I think back to Banjo rambling around in those brambles, looking so cute.  He wasn't being a sweet little dog, he was being a dirty old mongrel, rolling around in some other dog's shite! Needless to say we had to give him a good old scrub. The dirty git.

1 comment:

  1. Well, he struck again!

    Picture the scene - your sister & Banjo taking a lovely stroll in the field at the back of the house. He is behaving impeccably - a sniff here, a sniff there, looking back at me lovingly. I think, mmmm , maybe I'll let him of the lead - What could go wrong? I bend down, pat his cute little head and 'click' he is free! Two seconds later I'm like 'Why did I do it???!!!!!Why?!' In a blur of black & white, he is gone - a dot in the distance.F*CK!!! I start calling him in my sweetest 'come to me' voice -'Banjo, Banjo' He is having none of it.I'm looking around. I can't even see him anymore. Where the eff did he go? And then I spot him.
    A black ball in a field full of cows. Chasing them. Chasing them in all directions. My two foot dog chasing six foot cows and loving it. The cows are not loving it. How the eff am I going to get hom out of there?! They move quite fast for such big creatures.I leg it across the field shouting at him(in a not so gentle voice this time.) Surprise, surprise, he completely ignores me - he is in his element. Charging at one cow, then just before he gets to her, he turns and charges at another one. He is ridiculously happy looking. I know this can't last.Just as I reach the gate to the field one of the cows boots him in the leg. He whimpers and falls to the ground. The halt has been taken out of his gallop, the wind knocked from his sails. The cows practically smile. They know he is theirs. If I climb over, I too will be taken out by the killer cows.I call out to Banjo. This time, he looks at me. He picks himself up and starts dragging himself towards the fence. The cows follow, heads low and huffing. They are livid. They are gonna kill my effin dog! He reaches the gate which he so effortlessly bounded over earlier. This time he is not so limber. Unable to jump, he tries to push his torso thorugh a 6 inch gap in the fence. It's impossible. The cows are getting closer, their heads are getting lower, their nostrils are getting flarier. I am crying. Big, fat tears rolling down my face. I think, if Banjo could cry he probably would be too. He keeps looking at me,trying to squeeze himself through the six inch bar.His brown eyes round with fear. The cows are right at him, pucking him in the arse with their heads. If it wasn't so scary it would actually be hilarious. There's only one thing for it. I turn into suoergirl, reach over and pick his 30 kilo body up in my arms and over the gate. We fall to the ground. Tears of joy streaming down my voice, hugging the bejaysus outta Banjo. He shakes himself off and stands there. He is as cool as a cucumber. Nothing has happened to him.He hasn't just had the shit scared out of him by 15 cows. I pick up his lead and we walk home together.The only thing givng him away is the slight limp in his back leg and the fact that for once he is actually walking beside me instead of pulling on the lead. Turns out, he's not such a hard man after all.