Monday, 12 March 2012

Nikita on Tallafornia.

Nikita before she roars at Cormac to "Shut the fuck up!"

Will someone please drag me away from the laptop screen.  I can't watch any more.  And yet, I cannot stop watching. I feel sick seeing this girl make a complete idiot of herself on national television.  Yet at the same time I am drawn to Nikita's gradual self destruction like a German to a empty sun lounger.  This poor girl. She is just nineteen; totally naive and completely ignorant to the consequences of her actions.  Now, I'm no angel.  I may or may not have behaved like Nikita when I was her age but I didn't have a camera following me around, recording my every action and then broadcasting it for the whole of Ireland to see on a Friday night. Thank Christ.

For those of you not familiar with the show, here's a quick synopsis. TV3 used a Big Brother template for Tallafornia but with no evictions.  There are seven house mates, four blokes, three girls. They are given a house in Tallaght to live in and their actions are filmed for all to enjoy and cringe. The group are allowed come and go as they please from the house.  Most nights they are filled with booze and released into Dublin to make complete tools of themselves, and they are only too happy to oblige.

From left to right: Kelly, Natalie and Nikita. 

Nikita seems to come across worse than the others, God bless her. She has a mouth like a sewer, every second word out of it is fuck. She has slept with two of the house mates.  She performs lap dances at a second's notice, displaying her thong-covered crack to over 250,000 viewers. The girl brings a lad back to the house then while he is down stairs drinking a beer, she is upstairs shagging house mate, Philly. It gets worse, Philly is only shagging her to win a bet with one of the lads. He has discussed this with house mate Cormac, who has also shagged Nikita. The bet being that he can take Nikita away form any bloke when he likes.  After she sleeps with him one of the male house mates comes into the  score room and laughs at her.  "Your dress is inside out!" He jeers. And what does Nikita say back: "It's better than cum all over your shoulder." Yes, there is cum all over her shoulder. How is this possible? "I missed!" exclaims Philly.

God help us all.

For a weekly synopsis & hilarious piss take watch Tallafornia Swipe:


  1. I'm the same...its such bad tv its good!! Have to tune in every Friday night!! think I saw an ad looking for new people for the next series....wonder what the criteria!!

  2. No brain, fake tits and a complete lack of self awareness. I think I'll apply so! ;)

  3. To be fair it is one of the funniest shows on TV! Jay was Ambo's stripper! Me & Paul watch it every weekend & cry laughing! Its brilliant!

  4. I know - I love it! I'm totally addicted but cannot watch the whole show over here. I'm living off youtube clips at the moment, keep me from going cold turkey. Yer man Jay actually comes across pretty good on it and yer wan Natalie.